SoTamBlue......Real Life Black Girl '78

I’m a better person when I am alone. I think I underestimated how influenced by others I have been, like my whole like. I remember a report card from my child hood. Tamara is very talkative and is easily influenced by others….. That was the only comment I remember. I do not remember anyone doing anything or talking to me about it. I am not sure when I noticed that it was a problem, but I know I did. That is the point I made sure that everything I did was because I wanted to do it. Through the years I may have done a few things I didn’t want to do, I either had no choice, no awareness or was possibly forced. Social media was bringing all of that back. I was able to influence by so many people and so many things and situations. I think I was to confused, I wasn’t brave, I was shame to have a different opinion or no opinion at all. I am a better person when I am alone, left to create my own reality. Left to create my own expectations, based of desires that I have from within

I wanted to write a poem. I wanted to write a quick little list poem about Juneteenth. I wanted to talk about how a friend wanted to do a celebration here at work for Juneteenth. I wanted to talk about how we don’t ever talk about it. I wanted to talk about freedom and emancipation. I wanted to write it over the weekend so that it would be ready to post Monday. Then There was another acquittal. Then There was another shooting. Then I couldn’t write I could not write a poem about FREEDOM Not about FREEDOM… Not today. I want to talk about black folks. I want to talk too black folks. I want to sit with black folks. Only Black folks I want to talk!!! I need to talk!! We need to talk! I am positive I will never experience freedom Not on this planet Not in this cycle of my life I have accepted that. It is not a mistake, that when picking a soccer team on his tablet My son compl

So in March I made some changes in my life in regards to food. Originally I was doing interment fasting, fasting every Monday with a group of women #NewFastGirl. During this time of fasting I was able to see what and why I was eating. I was able to gain some serious understand in regards to my connection or relationship with food. I had no relationship with food I just ate because you are supposed to eat and certain times of the day. I did not pay attention to what I ate at all. Going out to eat was so difficult because I had so many options, nothing was off limits. The 1 st week of march I made a change – I didn’t say how long I was going to do something I just said I was going to do it. I took some b4 pictures I joined a work out challenge #LTGKTB and I said to myself – Try it out. THIS IS NOT A DIET, is what I said. *Sidenote; I grew up with a mother that was on diets most of my life I HATE DIETS so I in my almost 40 yrs I have never been on a diet. I pray

I was reminded of my responsibility this evening. stumbled upon a video, and then hundreds more entitled. If you knew me... Our children are stressed out picking on each other attacking any and every difference isolating each other our girls our young girls should never be filled with so much fear the cut in the morning as a release to make it thru the day purge after gym to full from holding in shame So insecure I wonder the secrets the name caller has why hate slides past her lips as easy as butter on pancakes Fat.Stupid.Ugly retard.fag. die what would make it ok to offer an option of suicide condone such an act and even after the names shot past your lips with perfect aim landing as a cut on the arm she will still with badge hanging offer to hug you her heart is not harmed kim 15 smiled after she shared her story and offered an open ear I told her she is an inspiration

Who can turn Slavery to presidency 3 bedroom to 8 sleeping 8 eating cleaning and living inanimate to adamant those born and would like to live Kings would sacrifice to survive beat me shattered heritage mystery professor confused on Roots Uproot and fight Stand with pride Shame on you we fear not eating sparing self for growth for defence of family every black family has a revolutionary or a Gangster 2 calls away They come guns drawn He prays they don't kill him knows what will happen if they do 1968 black man murdered for participating in his god given right to protect his family burning over 40 years hot off the presses another black man shot another cole in the fire something is gonna burn like August 15th 1965 this time they wont call it uprise

I miss my friends today this morning at this moment I missed my friends  but I am reminded of seasons that made it just bit easier