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Showing posts from 2012

14/30 If you knew me...

I was reminded of my responsibility this evening.
stumbled upon a video, and then hundreds more entitled.
If you knew me...

Our children are stressed out
picking on each other
attacking
any and every difference
isolating each other

our girls
our young girls

should never
be filled
with so much fear
the cut in the morning
as a release
to make it thru the day

purge after gym
to full from
holding in shame

So insecure
I wonder
the secrets
the name caller has

why hate
slides past her lips
as easy
as butter on pancakes

Fat.Stupid.Ugly
retard.fag.
die

what would make it ok
to offer an option
of suicide

condone such an act
and even
after
the names shot
past your lips

with perfect aim
landing

as a cut
on the arm
she will still

with badge hanging
offer to hug you
her heart
is not harmed

kim 15
smiled
after
she shared her story
and offered
an open ear

I told her
she

13/30 - 1965

Who
can turn Slavery
to presidency

3 bedroom
to
8 sleeping
8 eating
cleaning and living

inanimate to adamant

those born
and would like to live
Kings

would sacrifice
to survive

beat me
shattered

heritage mystery
professor
confused on Roots

Uproot and fight
Stand with pride

Shame on you

we
fear
not eating
sparing self
for growth
for defence
of family

every black family
has a revolutionary
or a Gangster
2 calls away

They come
guns drawn

He prays
they don't kill him
knows
what will happen
if they do

1968
black man
murdered
for participating
in his god given right
to protect his family

burning
over 40 years

hot
off the
presses

another black man shot
another cole in the
fire

11/30 married with children

I miss my friends today this morning at this moment I missed my friends  but I am reminded of seasons
that made it just bit easier

12/30 - The Titanic

Why I have never seen the Titanic

I knew getting on the ship
was a bad idea to begin with.
I'm Black 

Stay Home.

The Click Song 10/30

Mrs.Makeba

You made brown skin
so desirable
as a little redbone girl
I was fascinated by your beauty
your complexion

The undeniable fact
of your blackness
your African cheeks
nose and chin
your language
fitting your features
African
I never had that
never looked black
always could have been mixed

second language
was spanish

In Johannesburg  
where you were born
where all the children
carry african names
and blood
and features
like you

some called me black
because of my locs
only thing that saved me
the natural kinck in my hair
unloc’d
would have
guaranteed me colored

Mama Africa
your politics
lived past your years
you survived
apartheid and
exile

your songs
brilliantly
inspired
generations

your smile
can light up any stage
every room 
is easily filled with your voice
Miriam
you were Africa
to a redbone American girl
fascinated
by the Xhosa language
the click song played at my wedding

and I was a young girl
getting married
and i found it fitting
that you would be there .

Hot Pink 9/30

9//30


hot pink blush
isnt getting much use
these day

get’em girl jeans
aint gettin no love
these days

flip flops
more often than heels
these days

lucky to find the time
for pedicures
or manicures

peanut butter
and banana
sandwich
with a green smoothie

quick and easy
in between laundry
and breast feeding

I got my nails done

felt guilt while I was gone
smiled
like I was being sneaky

Husband said I need to do it more often
I deserve it
Son wanted to go next time
so he can paint them for me
both my men said I looked pretty

I still washed dishes that night
I still made dinner
gave the baby a bath
and nursed her til she fell asleep

but I did it with hot pink
barbie nails

Be in love 8/30

he aint neva washed a dish in his life
and he is not
about to start
now

love
be understanding differences
communicating
pains and desires
moving past your issues
with daddy
with men
your brother
your mother
the church

your grandmother
never would have talked back
Love

be
seeing you
exactly for who you are
love

be watching you give yourself away
be hiding from your bad choices
be waiting for you to love yourself

so you can finally
be in
love

be already knowing you got issues
be seeing the bigger picture
be waiting to talk it out
even if it take 3 days
25 emails
102 text
and a phone call
from your mama


to be in love
is transparent
pure
but not simple   
easy
but so complex

to be in love
is continuous  
it is work
it is forever

but it is always worth it

To know me 7/30

7/30




I reggae
pop
hip hop
r n b
reality tv

politics
controversy
see the other sides
side
opinionated

A manual would be suitable
for you

If I would have known
you didn't know
how to know me
I would have
kept our friendship
aim, gchat isolated

profile private
google plus
Accantince  

Simple conversations
no intimacy needed

you superficial
vain stereotype
of a scorned women

wishy washy
selfish
and mean

I know how to know you
know how to look past all of that

let you be you
except and encourage you
hug
sit with you
know you

If I would have known
you didn't know how to know me

how to be a friend to me
how to let me grow
and change
and mature

I am gospel
dance hall
electronica
and funk

I change
I wish I would have known
you couldn't keep up

6/30 XXL Naked

 1.)
  Stopped at the clinic
Lips black ain't smoke no blunts yet
gonna get you High bet

2.)  
Grape Flavored Blunt wraps
  Heavily clouded visions
Call it my twenties

Anesthesia 5/30

Cut open, dissected, mutilated, and put back together
she blames the anesthesia
for her loss of memory
can tell you the name and height
of the man she should have married
the man who threw rocks at her wedding
the star basketball player at Jefferson high school 1964
he loved her then,
asked her to wait for him
he was going to be a good man

she remembers being hit
across the back with a 2/4
docking being hit by a flying tv
being called fat and stupid and bitch
accused of sleeping with
any and every man
he was crazy after the war
and she has stories
because she remembers
finding him in the fetal position
in the corner of the room.
reminding him the war was over.
and he was safe
he was home

She remembers shoplifting
for dinners
for treats
for Christmas
for fun

she remembers traffic tickets
and a weekend in jail

I remember
loss prevention office at 10yrs old
the words “you know we could take your daughter”
the warning
the photos taken
the merchandise returned
banned…

4:00am 4/30

baby is full and sleeping
in her bassinet

4oz of milk
pumped and frozen

checked on my little man
covered his legs
kissed his forehead
husbands hand is searching the
warm spot I once lay in
it’s 4 am

Im counting money
planning meals
sorting clothes
and checking emails

I took a shower
with toys around my feet
at the usual time
midnight

I didn't sleep very long
sleep is overrated
and hard to come by
some days

Whenever you have a moment
that you can make 100% yours

take it
bask in it

I prayed out loud in a whisper
did 25 crunches
ate a banana and a slice of cake
watched rupaul's drag race
and drank hot tea with honey
nettle, raspberry and fenugreek
with no fear of burning a baby

I did my own thang
uninterrupted
for 48 mins.

for 48 mins
no one called me mommy
no one nursed from me
or spooned me
no diapers were changed
no owies were kissed
no bottoms whipped
no questions about breakfast
about lunch or dinner
no questions repeated fiftyleven times

3/30 Staying Alive

3/30 Staying Alive


It’s a debt card with a $14 balance
swiped for $10 of gas
to take your oldest child to meet the easter bunny
for free in the local park

Its a $1 dress washed and iron
its feeling pretty
its feeling worthy
its mistakes corrected
its corrections accepted

its friendships lasting
its ending friendships

its check to check
beans and rice

its kisses and hugs
fucking when its cold

its everything you needed
r
ight on time

its breast milk
saved and stored

its baby on the breast
for over a year

it is change
it is staying the same

it is stayingalive

2/30 Perfect Date

Perfect Date

You are more comfortable going on dates, that never leave your home.
The smell of nag champa, so thick you can barely see yourself in the mirror.

Planning a date that will last till the early morning.
You wish he would offer to take you to breakfast
But he is always busy, leaving by sunrise

Lonely in your bed you sleep til midday.
on nights he is too busy to screw you, you french kiss on dance floors at night clubs
Girlfriends watch you leave with strangers
soon to be given nicknames like
36
speed O
stripper
cool breeze
white boy
You smoke too much weed to remember names
you remember events or attributes

36
the physical therapist 12 yrs older than you
married, with a baby on the way.
it's easier when you don't call them by name.
you can't feel guilty for what you did to his family

You feel shame for who you are
embarrassed for what you have done
what you have excepted

The water in the shower is just not hot enough
to clean your filthy skin
you hav…
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NaPoWriMo #1


I’ve always wanted to have manners
that of a southern bell
or african princess
invited to the debutante ball


I was not
in the running for best behaved

it is difficult to remind my children to say
please and thank you

as I rarely remember myself

I’ve set my goal on being a lady
not a woman or a girl

BUT

my poverty is showing
I drink beer
I drink it from the bottle
I have no clue on table settings
dining room tables
were replaced with TV trays
and comfy couches
family conversation
can't be heard over the blare of the tv
I can pee outside
standing up
easy

In my 20’s when my breast were perky
years befour nursing
I could be seen
strolling the stress
in a beater
no bra
cargo pants and sneakers


dresses
with no stocking
on Sundays

I really wanted to be a southern bell
going to the debutante ball

I wasn't born in the south
not even south central
I’m far from the most hoodest girl you will met
not nearly the most proper

not a southern darli…
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WELCOME TO 2012.....I WILL TRY AND RECLAIM THIS BLOG!!
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