SoTamBlue......Real Life Black Girl '78

I was reminded of my responsibility this evening. stumbled upon a video, and then hundreds more entitled. If you knew me... Our children are stressed out picking on each other attacking any and every difference isolating each other our girls our young girls should never be filled with so much fear the cut in the morning as a release to make it thru the day purge after gym to full from holding in shame So insecure I wonder the secrets the name caller has why hate slides past her lips as easy as butter on pancakes Fat.Stupid.Ugly retard.fag. die what would make it ok to offer an option of suicide condone such an act and even after the names shot past your lips with perfect aim landing as a cut on the arm she will still with badge hanging offer to hug you her heart is not harmed kim 15 smiled after she shared her story and offered an open ear I told her she is an inspiration

Who can turn Slavery to presidency 3 bedroom to 8 sleeping 8 eating cleaning and living inanimate to adamant those born and would like to live Kings would sacrifice to survive beat me shattered heritage mystery professor confused on Roots Uproot and fight Stand with pride Shame on you we fear not eating sparing self for growth for defence of family every black family has a revolutionary or a Gangster 2 calls away They come guns drawn He prays they don't kill him knows what will happen if they do 1968 black man murdered for participating in his god given right to protect his family burning over 40 years hot off the presses another black man shot another cole in the fire something is gonna burn like August 15th 1965 this time they wont call it uprise

I miss my friends today this morning at this moment I missed my friends  but I am reminded of seasons that made it just bit easier

Why I have never seen the Titanic I knew getting on the ship was a bad idea to begin with. I'm Black  Stay Home.

Mrs.Makeba You made brown skin so desirable as a little redbone girl I was fascinated by your beauty your complexion The undeniable fact of your blackness your African cheeks nose and chin your language fitting your features African I never had that never looked black always could have been mixed second language was spanish In Johannesburg   where you were born where all the children carry african names and blood and features like you some called me black because of my locs only thing that saved me the natural kinck in my hair unloc’d would have guaranteed me colored Mama Africa your politics lived past your years you survived apartheid and exile your songs brilliantly inspired generations your smile can light up any stage every room  is easily filled with your voice Miriam you were Africa to a redbone American girl fascinated by the Xhosa language the click song played at my wedding and I was a young girl getting married and i found it fitting that you would be there .

9//30 hot pink blush isnt getting much use these day get’em girl jeans aint gettin no love these days flip flops more often than heels these days lucky to find the time for pedicures or manicures peanut butter and banana sandwich with a green smoothie quick and easy in between laundry and breast feeding I got my nails done felt guilt while I was gone smiled like I was being sneaky Husband said I need to do it more often I deserve it Son wanted to go next time so he can paint them for me both my men said I looked pretty I still washed dishes that night I still made dinner gave the baby a bath and nursed her til she fell asleep but I did it with hot pink barbie nails

he aint neva washed a dish in his life and he is not about to start now love be understanding differences communicating pains and desires moving past your issues with daddy with men your brother your mother the church your grandmother never would have talked back Love be seeing you exactly for who you are love be watching you give yourself away be hiding from your bad choices be waiting for you to love yourself so you can finally be in love be already knowing you got issues be seeing the bigger picture be waiting to talk it out even if it take 3 days 25 emails 102 text and a phone call from your mama to be in love is transparent pure but not simple    easy but so complex to be in love is continuous   it is work it is forever but it is always worth it

7/30 I reggae pop hip hop r n b reality tv politics controversy see the other sides side opinionated A manual would be suitable for you If I would have known you didn't know how to know me I would have kept our friendship aim, gchat isolated profile private google plus Accantince   Simple conversations no intimacy needed you superficial vain stereotype of a scorned women wishy washy selfish and mean I know how to know you know how to look past all of that let you be you except and encourage you hug sit with you know you If I would have known you didn't know how to know me how to be a friend to me how to let me grow and change and mature I am gospel dance hall electronica and funk I change I wish I would have known you couldn't keep up

 1.)   Stopped at the clinic Lips black ain't smoke no blunts yet gonna get you High bet 2.)   Grape Flavored Blunt wraps   Heavily clouded visions Call it my twenties

Cut open, dissected, mutilated, and put back together she blames the anesthesia for her loss of memory can tell you the name and height of the man she should have married the man who threw rocks at her wedding the star basketball player at Jefferson high school 1964 he loved her then, asked her to wait for him he was going to be a good man she remembers being hit across the back with a 2/4 docking being hit by a flying tv being called fat and stupid and bitch accused of sleeping with any and every man he was crazy after the war and she has stories because she remembers finding him in the fetal position in the corner of the room. reminding him the war was over. and he was safe he was home She remembers shoplifting for dinners for treats for Christmas for fun she remembers traffic tickets and a weekend in jail I remember loss prevention office at 10yrs old the words “you know we could take your daughter” the warning the photos taken the merchandise

baby is full and sleeping in her bassinet 4oz of milk pumped and frozen checked on my little man covered his legs kissed his forehead husbands hand is searching the warm spot I once lay in it’s 4 am Im counting money planning meals sorting clothes and checking emails I took a shower with toys around my feet at the usual time midnight I didn't sleep very long sleep is overrated and hard to come by some days Whenever you have a moment that you can make 100% yours take it bask in it I prayed out loud in a whisper did 25 crunches ate a banana and a slice of cake watched rupaul's drag race and drank hot tea with honey nettle, raspberry and fenugreek with no fear of burning a baby I did my own thang uninterrupted for 48 mins. for 48 mins no one called me mommy no one nursed from me or spooned me no diapers were changed no owies were kissed no bottoms whipped no questions about breakfast about lunch or dinner no questions repeate

3/30 Staying Alive It’s a debt card with a $14 balance swiped for $10 of gas to take your oldest child to meet the easter bunny for free in the local park Its a $1 dress washed and iron its feeling pretty its feeling worthy its mistakes corrected its corrections accepted its friendships lasting its ending friendships its check to check beans and rice its kisses and hugs fucking when its cold its everything you needed r ight on time its breast milk saved and stored its baby on the breast for over a year it is change it is staying the same it is stayingalive

Perfect Date You are more comfortable going on dates, that never leave your home. The smell of nag champa, so thick you can barely see yourself in the mirror. Planning a date that will last till the early morning. You wish he would offer to take you to breakfast But he is always busy, leaving by sunrise Lonely in your bed you sleep til midday. on nights he is too busy to screw you, you french kiss on dance floors at night clubs Girlfriends watch you leave with strangers soon to be given nicknames like 36 speed O stripper cool breeze white boy You smoke too much weed to remember names you remember events or attributes 36 the physical therapist 12 yrs older than you married, with a baby on the way. it's easier when you don't call them by name. you can't feel guilty for what you did to his family You feel shame for who you are embarrassed for what you have done what you have excepted The water in the shower is just not hot enough to clean your f

NaPoWriMo #1 I’ve always wanted to have manners that of a southern bell or african princess invited to the debutante ball I was not in the running for best behaved it is difficult to remind my children to say please and thank you as I rarely remember myself I’ve set my goal on being a lady not a woman or a girl BUT my poverty is showing I drink beer I drink it from the bottle I have no clue on table settings dining room tables were replaced with TV trays and comfy couches family conversation can't be heard over the blare of the tv I can pee outside standing up easy In my 20’s when my breast were perky years befour nursing I could be seen strolling the stress in a beater no bra cargo pants and sneakers dresses with no stocking on Sundays I really wanted to be a southern bell going to the debutante ball I wasn't born in the south not even south central I’m far from the most hoodest girl you will met not nearly the most proper

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