2/30 Perfect Date

Perfect Date

You are more comfortable going on dates, that never leave your home.
The smell of nag champa, so thick you can barely see yourself in the mirror.

Planning a date that will last till the early morning.
You wish he would offer to take you to breakfast
But he is always busy, leaving by sunrise

Lonely in your bed you sleep til midday.
on nights he is too busy to screw you, you french kiss on dance floors at night clubs
Girlfriends watch you leave with strangers
soon to be given nicknames like
36
speed O
stripper
cool breeze
white boy
You smoke too much weed to remember names
you remember events or attributes

36
the physical therapist 12 yrs older than you
married, with a baby on the way.
it's easier when you don't call them by name.
you can't feel guilty for what you did to his family

You feel shame for who you are
embarrassed for what you have done
what you have excepted

The water in the shower is just not hot enough
to clean your filthy skin
you have been touched in all the wrong places
by all the wrong people
with and without your permission.

you are most comfortable with date that begin and end at your home
but you dream of car rides and valet
A waitress taking your order
A man looking into your eyes
footsie under the table
a dessert shared
A walk under the night
an over sized jacket on your shoulders

You don't believe you deserve better.
you pray
you fast
you read books
by Iyanla or Queen Afua
waiting for a healing

So until that day
you are satisfied with nag champa and candles
and a dinner date with no dinner
starting at 10...at your place